I want to be a mother so badly, but I can’t right now and that’s okay.

I’ve always been the person who wants to be the caretaker. I used to play for hours with my baby dolls or barbies reenacting motherhood. Now I’m at the age where thinking about having a child is on my mind constantly. 

I know I am not ready because I am not married or financially in the place to do so, but that doesn’t mean it keeps me from wanting a baby. I guess baby fever is real and my hormones are not immune to this feeling like I thought they would be. 

But I dream about my future child a lot…I dream of a little girl and she’s looking at me smiling and calling me mommy. That’s a joy I have never experienced because I have no children yet, but in my dreams it is so real. 

I yearn to be a mother because I know how much love I have to give. When that day comes I will be ready to give every part of myself to my child.  

I know I am not the only one my age who thinks about it and yearns for that day. Some of my friends call me crazy and some of them feel the same way. 

I also have to remind myself that it’s okay that I am not a mother yet and God will bless me one day with my own little miracle. I also freak myself wandering if I will be as lucky as some of my family members who are fertile. I am not sure I will be as lucky due to my endometriosis. I have been told by my gyno that becoming pregnant will be hard for me because of it. 

I just have to remind myself that God’s plan for me is beyond what I could imagine. They say if you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans. Well I still tell him mine and I also pray and ask him to guide me wherever he wants me to be. 

So if you’re like me looking at baby pictures and thinking that it won’t happen for you, stop and remind yourself that God will bless you one day. Maybe not when you expect it to happen, but he will. 

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