I’m seriously tired of being looked at funny because I am not already married to my boyfriend. After I tell people we have been together for 5 years they look at me with those overcritical eyes and I know I’m about to hear:
Overcritical person: ” and he hasn’t asked you to marry him yet…”
Me: “No financially it’s not going to work right now…he wants to be able to get me a nice ring…he can’t afford it right now…and I’m honestly not worried about it…”
Overcritical person: “well money isn’t everything..”
(Me thinking in my head: oh shit here we go again…maybe money is everything in this world…you need it to survive…and even a courthouse wedding cost money…and I’m lucky enough to pay my bills and eat…what do you want him to do throw a rope on my ring finger…call a priest…shit you need money…I’m sorry but you do…and of course you have a big ol diamond ring on your finger…but yeah money isn’t everything.)
Me: “yeah you’re right it’s not…we aren’t in a rush.”
Overcritical being: “I mean you deserve the ring by now”
(Me thinking in my head for a second time and literally praying I won’t accidentally knock that ring off her finger into a hole: no…um I don’t deserve a ring…what the hell is a ring now a trophy…im not having to complete obstacles in order to get a ring…this isn’t the olympics…I’ll tell you what I deserve…lady you have only talked to me for ten minutes…how do you even know…)
Me OUTLOUD: “hahahahahaha…yeah…idk”
Over critical Being-woman who is annoying the shit out of me: ” I’d tell him by now…”
Me not thinking in my head: “I don’t want to get married right now because I love my boyfriend and I love not being married and I love our non-traditional life that works so well for us! We are poor and are focused on our life so we won’t have to be working at your age.”
Over critical being-woman: “hahaha…maybe you’re smarter than all of us…”
Me: “maybe I am…”
Marriage is a traditional way to live and it is the biblical way. I get that. I see marriage differently. I was a child of several divorces. So to me marriage is even more sacred. I do not take it lightly. I was once engaged and almost wed, but I realized this wasn’t what I wanted and I wouldn’t be the wife I needed to be at that time. I knew in my heart what I wanted from a marriage and that relationship wasn’t it. I knew I wanted honesty, respect, loyalty, friendship and most of all real love.
I have seen people I love go through divorces and realize they married too soon or they weren’t really ready. They were blinded by lust and so called infatuate love. They got stuck and realized the person they married wasn’t at all who they thought they were. After all this children are involved and families are now broken up. It’s a huge mess all because they didn’t take the time to really know the person they married. I get it other things happen out of our control and there are definitely good reasons to divorce but at the same time I don’t want that to be me. I’m terrified of divorce.
I also want my boyfriend and I to really become a team. I want a partner, a teammate, a best friend and a man of God.
We may not be living the traditional biblical way but we do value our love for one another. We do respect one another and I’m not saying this road was simple for us. We have made mistakes, but we have grown with one another. We have picked eachother up in our hardest days of battle. We have cried with one another. We have even battled eachother, but we work. I know we could make it.
My boyfriend told me this summer, “Shawna we are it. You wanna know why? Because we have worked together, we have never given up even when we should have. We have gone through the hardest parts and we have survived. We are on the last stretch babe. We are gonna make it for life.”
He’s right. He’s my teammate and I’m his. So let him marry me whenever the hell he wants to!